Thursday, September 22, 2011

Mini devo

This was my first time writing a devotional! Took me way too long but I was so encouraged and amazed at how the holy spirit kept bringing verses to my head and they all fit together!

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. (Hebrews 12:1-4 ESV) .

When I read this I notice two things. One we all have a course set for us a race we have to run. And two  we are called not to survive but to preserver  through this race God has called us to.  In 1 cor it says    Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. (1 Corinthians 9:24 ESV) 

I was thinking through what hinders my ability to run this course god has for me.  for me it's apathy. I can't think of anything I've struggled with more throughout college or now than just plain apathy. The hard part about it is I didn't see it as a sin for many years. I figured as long as I wasn't actively stopping god from working, or stopping others from working for god I could be complacent about anything and everything. Then I read this passage in revelation, "'I know your works: you are neither cold nor hot. Would that you were either cold or hot! So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth. For you say, I am rich, I have prospered, and I need nothing, not realizing that you are wretched, pitiable, poor, blind, and naked. (Revelation 3:15-17 ESV) and realized my actions or rather my non actions matter to God.  It's all about the heart issues. Are you doing your best in the best way you know how to further gods kingdom and bring him praise. This will look different for everyone, none of us are running the same race. 

I don't know what it is that hinders you from running your race in a way to win the prize, maybe It's apathy like me maybe it's something different, but I want to encourage everyone to take some time at home or during class, since your not listening anyway to think through what it is that really hinders your race and do something about it. for me just being able to recognize that my apathy is a sin and share my tendency to fall into apathy with friends who will hold me accountable has made a huge difference in my attitude towards life and the race god has set up for me. 

Power of Prayer

Im doing a bible study reading through "the heart of prayer" and we got to talk through some tough ideas about how we view God and prayer.

How do you view God? and how does that effect your view of prayer.

Does prayer have power?

Why do we pray?

If God says ask and you will recieve, why dont we always get what we want?

Is God sovreign?

Do you want God to give you what you want or what is best for you?

I hadn't really thought out why we pray or if prayer was meaningful or powerful before, it was just something I did as a way of talking to God. through this Bible study so far I have come to the conclusion that prayer is powerful and necessary.

prayer is like when I was little and would ask my mom if I can have ice cream for breakfast and she would say no  because she knows it isn't healthy. She appreciates that I asked and would give me a healthy breakfast that provided me with more nutrition, and left me full for longer than ice cream would have.

not praying is like me waking up now and eating an icecream bar for breakfast because I'm 21 years old and I do what I want. I am happy for 2 hours until I start crashing and have to eat again at work. taking time out of my busy schedule.

I can get by without prayer and my life will be fine, sometimes good things will happen but I will not live the way God intended.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011


Have you ever felt like your suddenly woke up and don't know how you got to where you are in life? I have had this happen to me twice, and I remember them distintictly. Once when I was 11 I remember sitting on the living room couch during my sisters birthday party  and realizing my parents had personalities that I couldn't remember noticing before.  strange,  I know but I remember feeling really confused and like I couldn't remember how I grew up not knowing these people...or at least not remembering how they used to be. I also remember feeling really confused about my relationship with my grandparents, I couldnt for the life of me remember what my relationship with them was we hug goodbye? do we talk about real life? do we crack jokes? I still get confused when I remember that time of my life, but I guess I chose how I wanted my relationships to look and I just went with it!

I hadn't thought about that moment in a long time, but yesterday I had the same thing happen. I was talking to the wife of my pt who was dying and was comfort care only. She was explaining to me that they had been married 64 years and that as sad as she was to see him go she was happy for the years they had together. I was blessed to be able to reminisce with her about his life, her life and their family. When he suddenly woke up with a look of sheer terror on his face, he was writhing in bed and staring at the ceiling. Chills ran down my back as I looked at his face. "its OK you can go to heaven" she kept repeating. So I asked if she was religious, she told me she was catholic, but he refused to convert he was a mason and came from a long line of masons. It was at that moment I realized I was watching a man die who was going to hell. All I could think was God I am not equipped to handle this. I couldn't for the life of me remember why I was there or what I could possibly do. I feel like I have floated through college with such apathy for where my life was going that I honestly don't know how or why I am an RN, or why I am at the VA hospital. I trust God will show me and use me for his glory. but I still feel extreme sorrow/terror for that man, and can feel the importance of sharing God with the people in my life before they end up staring death in the face.