Monday, November 28, 2011


During a mellodramatic moment in which I felt completely wronged,  hated, and unappreciated I announced that I would not be joining in on family thanksgivings after this year. Literally the only thing I could think of was that I was Thankful that I lived 2hrs away from my family. I realize I was being just as hurtful to my family as I felt they were being to me, but I still feel angry, and I still don't plan on joining in on thanksgiving with the family anymore. I don't enjoy a weekend of yelling, and character bashing. I am completely content by myself eating a mcrib for dinner.

It wasn't until right now I started feeling bad that I feel this way. I can rationalize why we but heads, they still see me as a kid who can't make an intelligent decision if it's different than theirs. I see myself as an adult who is competent enough to be trusted with the lives of fragile patients every day. They see themselves as my parents with full responsibility for me and my actions. I see them as equalls.

The frustrating thing about family is they have known you the longest, and can anticipate your moves before you have time to plan them, but they don't let you change or grow up, you stay in a box. They love you more than anyone else, but they feel at liberty to criticise more than anyone else.

I realize this is probably a lesson God is trying to teach me, but I dont quite know what it is. Is it that I the way I interact with my family is how I interact with God? Is it that I have an anger problem? Is it that if I cant even love my family, how am I truly showing Gods love to the world? I don't know and right now I don't care, I just have to write it out so my mind can start processing, hopefully my heart will follow.

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